1,006
1.0K
Jul 27, 2011
07/11
by
COM
tv
eye 1,006
favorite 0
quote 0
my name is jon stewart. good show tonight! we got a nice one for you tonight. our guest tonight, npr's juan williams will be joining us. (cheers and applause) really? he's not there anymore? (laughter) well, i'll definitely ask him about that. (laughter) but we begin, of course, with our ongoing national crisis. (laughter and applause) one week, ladies and gentlemen, for our two parties to agree to raise the country's arbitrary debt limit for the 102nd time for the drop-dead august 2 catastrophic ultimatum we've already moved twice. (laughter) and so it was under these conditions that president barack obama interrupted a bachelorette's search for love... (laughter). ... to take that long walk down "we killed bin laden" lane. >> tonight i want to talk about the debate we've been having in washington over the national debt. >> jon: the debate we've been having? (laughter) is that what that noise out of washington's been? it sounded like an a elephant seal trying to (bleep) a truck! (laughter) actually, that footage is from a few years ago. the two of them are ver
my name is jon stewart. good show tonight! we got a nice one for you tonight. our guest tonight, npr's juan williams will be joining us. (cheers and applause) really? he's not there anymore? (laughter) well, i'll definitely ask him about that. (laughter) but we begin, of course, with our ongoing national crisis. (laughter and applause) one week, ladies and gentlemen, for our two parties to agree to raise the country's arbitrary debt limit for the 102nd time for the drop-dead august 2...
369
369
Jul 13, 2011
07/11
by
COM
tv
eye 369
favorite 0
quote 0
my name is jon stewart. the great kid rock will be joining us on the program tonight, and i'm going to go with shark. all right. [cheering and applause] folks, i'm going to start with a problem. we got a problem. apparently america spends more than it takes in. so america needs to figure out a way to become more fiscally responsible. unfortunately while america figures it out, there is a repo man, let's call him "china," that on august 2nd could possibly repossess us. [laughter] the good news is we have a couple of good debt reduction options at our disposal. worse comes to worse, we could for some weird reason arbitrarily change the money we're allowed to be in date, which makes no [bleeped] sense whatsoever, but the bad news is the people in charge of putting together this country-saving plans are the same ones who as of today are currently on the floor of the house of representatives doing this. >> the new incandescent bulb looks and works just like the old incandescent bulb. >> so if we don't pass this b
my name is jon stewart. the great kid rock will be joining us on the program tonight, and i'm going to go with shark. all right. [cheering and applause] folks, i'm going to start with a problem. we got a problem. apparently america spends more than it takes in. so america needs to figure out a way to become more fiscally responsible. unfortunately while america figures it out, there is a repo man, let's call him "china," that on august 2nd could possibly repossess us. [laughter] the...
1,595
1.6K
Jul 12, 2011
07/11
by
COM
tv
eye 1,595
favorite 0
quote 0
stewart -- the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, welcome to the show. my name is jon stewart. boom! we got a good one for you tonight. tonight's guest, dennis leary will be joining us on the program. (cheers and applause) >> jon: monday denis leary, thursday sergeant first class leroy petry who is going to be receiving the medal of honor, one of the only living members of the military to receive it since the vietnam war, leary on monday, maeld of honor winner on thursday. it will be, the largest character gap we have ever had. (laughter) >> between guests. denis was wondering how i was going to get him today. anyway, took last week off. and had a great vacation. went away completely unplugged. no news, no tv, threw my cell phone in the ocean which caused some problems later but at the time felt pretty great. so let's plug back in, what i did miss? >> the president is worrying that we have just nine days to raise the debt ceiling or risk default. >> the numbers
stewart -- the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, welcome to the show. my name is jon stewart. boom! we got a good one for you tonight. tonight's guest, dennis leary will be joining us on the program. (cheers and applause) >> jon: monday denis leary, thursday sergeant first class leroy petry who is going to be receiving the medal of honor, one of the only living members of the military to receive it since the...
1,093
1.1K
tv
eye 1,093
favorite 0
quote 0
>> herman cain says comedian jon stewart was mocking him. >> here is an example of jon stewart's bias. >> jon stewart gets his view from the left but can't admit he's a liberal mouthpiece. >> herman cain on his feud with political sequester jon stewart. >> jon stewart breaks into his amos and andy routine to mock herman cain. >> jon stewart tries to disguise his true liberal bias. >> jon stewart says he's both liberal and he's fair. let's see how that's working out. >> jon: i guess everyone got the memo. [laughter] do you want to bring your whole network to the throwdown? you want to go channel 44 versus channel 45? obviously that's the channel configuration of time warner in the new york area, your local listings where comedy central and fox are would be more accurate. of course, hd is a completely different situation. my point is you don't think i have peeps? you don't think i roll deep? cc rolls deep, yo, yo, check this [bleeped] out. yeah, yeah, yeah. comedy central, get me krud mandoon. that's, mother... really? canceled? when was that canceled? he's our only guy with a sword, th
>> herman cain says comedian jon stewart was mocking him. >> here is an example of jon stewart's bias. >> jon stewart gets his view from the left but can't admit he's a liberal mouthpiece. >> herman cain on his feud with political sequester jon stewart. >> jon stewart breaks into his amos and andy routine to mock herman cain. >> jon stewart tries to disguise his true liberal bias. >> jon stewart says he's both liberal and he's fair. let's see how that's...
369
369
Jul 19, 2011
07/11
by
COM
tv
eye 369
favorite 0
quote 1
my name is jon stewart. welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. our guest is daniel radcliffe. the star of the new flick harry potter and the half billion dollars in worldwide weekend gross. so exciting tonight. i found out something scientifically i didn't know was possible. a canadian with breed with a german. did you know that? ( cheers and applause ) i don't even know how they fit them together. they've created a new species of canad-erman. you know what? no fooling around. our top story tonight, of course, the debt ceiling. our ongoing segment. that is in no way hyperbolic as america mes closer to laying out a blanket in front of our garage and selling off all our old board games it has become clear that time for action is short. >> theate president says he wants an agreement. >> president obama set a deadline. >> president obama now says it's decision time. >> jon: snap, commander in chief throwing down a deadline. on friday the president of the united states broke out his "i mean business" podium. >> we are obviously running out of time. so
my name is jon stewart. welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. our guest is daniel radcliffe. the star of the new flick harry potter and the half billion dollars in worldwide weekend gross. so exciting tonight. i found out something scientifically i didn't know was possible. a canadian with breed with a german. did you know that? ( cheers and applause ) i don't even know how they fit them together. they've created a new species of canad-erman. you know what? no fooling around. our...
1,048
1.0K
tv
eye 1,048
favorite 0
quote 0
captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. tonight jennifer aniston. jennifer aniston will be here. i hope i'm not too exhausted. i had a crazy weekend. yesterday likeyear in the end of june last weekend i dress in glitter like a peacock. i march down fifth avenue to raise awareness of exotic birds. and i've got to tell you this year almost more than any other year it went really really well. i couldn't believe the support i was getting. people are like this is a great day. it's been too long. i was like, yeah, exotic birds. you know what i mean? and then people are like wasn't friday amazing? i was like why? what happened friday? >> it is a history-making night with a vote that just happened a short time ago. new york becomes the 7th jurisdiction in america to recognize marriage for same sex couples. >> jon: that's a major civil rights victory. ( cheers and applause ) new york, finally, new york state's gay and lesbian community are free from the burden that was having to set foot in connecticut in order to get married. ( app
captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. tonight jennifer aniston. jennifer aniston will be here. i hope i'm not too exhausted. i had a crazy weekend. yesterday likeyear in the end of june last weekend i dress in glitter like a peacock. i march down fifth avenue to raise awareness of exotic birds. and i've got to tell you this year almost more than any other year it went really really well. i couldn't believe the support i was...
332
332
tv
eye 332
favorite 0
quote 0
[laughter] >> jon: jon stewart, "the daily show." i have a quick question. as a frequent radioshack customer, i may be qualified to tell you what may be an issue with your plan, but go ahead. >> the problem with it was the limited battery life. [laughter and applause] >> jon: see, the batteries at radioshack are designed to work with one of those little remote control helicopters that work... once. [laughter] so now that we know the g.p.s. tracking system for the assault rifles we sold mexican cartels didn't work, how do we find out where the guns are? what is plan "b"? >> the only way you're going to find those guns in mexico is where? >> at crime scenes in which either the bad guy was killed and his gun was left at the scene or used during the commission of a crime in which the gun was left behind. >> jon: okay. [laughter] so our plan to prevent american guns from being used in mexican gang violence is to provide mexican gangs american guns. [laughter] to use according to our plan. [laughter] how exactly did we convince the mexican government to cooperate
[laughter] >> jon: jon stewart, "the daily show." i have a quick question. as a frequent radioshack customer, i may be qualified to tell you what may be an issue with your plan, but go ahead. >> the problem with it was the limited battery life. [laughter and applause] >> jon: see, the batteries at radioshack are designed to work with one of those little remote control helicopters that work... once. [laughter] so now that we know the g.p.s. tracking system for the...
273
273
Jul 21, 2011
07/11
by
COM
tv
eye 273
favorite 0
quote 0
i is jon stewart. our guest tonight, focus, boy, focus, our guest tonight steve carell for... [laughter] anyway, i look forward to meeting the young man. our top story, of course, tonight, once again, the continuing revelation in the british tabloid "news of the world" scandal. as you may recall, yesterday news corp owner montgomery burns was called before parliament for a dramatic three-hour testimony so intense the media mogul managed to stay awake. [laughter] he managed to stay awake for nearly all of it. >> this is the most humble day of my life. >> jon: 'tis true. for nearly 80 years rupert murdoch has had, for lack of a better term, the "run of the planet." dominion over all that he surveys. but yesterday, july 19, in the year of our murdoch 2011, was the day that the aussie iconoclast had to accept that ultimately he is responsible for the fiasco. >> mr. murdoch, do you accept that ultimately you are responsible for this whole fiasco? >> no. >> jon: oh, how the mighty have -- wait. what was that again? >> if you are not responsible, who is responsible? >> the people tha
i is jon stewart. our guest tonight, focus, boy, focus, our guest tonight steve carell for... [laughter] anyway, i look forward to meeting the young man. our top story, of course, tonight, once again, the continuing revelation in the british tabloid "news of the world" scandal. as you may recall, yesterday news corp owner montgomery burns was called before parliament for a dramatic three-hour testimony so intense the media mogul managed to stay awake. [laughter] he managed to stay...
203
203
Jul 26, 2011
07/11
by
COM
tv
eye 203
favorite 0
quote 0
jon stewart. we have a very good show tonight. our guest tonight, neil patrick her is. (cheers and applause) now as you know many of our viewers live in the northern hemisphere. (laughter) i dot longitudes and latitudes but i really don't-- (laughter) an experienced-- (laughter) a lot of map lovers in the audience. anyway, in the hemisphere has experienced in the past week a weather phenomenon of extreme heat called labs, falaro where the sun gets close enough to the earth to hug it. and then do this to it it but where we humans saw hardship, tv weather news people saw hot-pertunity. >> we just took this justy t bone out of the fri see if we can cook it on the dashboard of a car. >> you can really cook eggs on a street, bake cookies on a dashboard. >> the mac and cheese have cooked. >> i will taste the pizza. >> the pizza is actually fully cooked. it is not global warning, it is god preheating america. (laughter) by the way, this guy may be eat pizza straight off the sidewalk, but at least he didn
jon stewart. we have a very good show tonight. our guest tonight, neil patrick her is. (cheers and applause) now as you know many of our viewers live in the northern hemisphere. (laughter) i dot longitudes and latitudes but i really don't-- (laughter) an experienced-- (laughter) a lot of map lovers in the audience. anyway, in the hemisphere has experienced in the past week a weather phenomenon of extreme heat called labs, falaro where the sun gets close enough to the earth to hug it. and then...
186
186
Jul 29, 2011
07/11
by
COM
tv
eye 186
favorite 0
quote 0
is jon stewart, man! do we have a good show for you tonight. tonight's guest peter tomsen, author of a new book "the wars of afghanistan" that's right, plural, wars. as you know, debt ceiling discussions, coming down to the wire. political leaders on both sides pulling out all the stops. all the stops. like the kind of stops that high school football coaches use before homecoming games in particular at thiscious small towns. >> kevin mccarthy a third ranking republican in the house urged republicans to unite behind boehner's plan by showing this clip from the movie "the town" >> the town? (laughter) "the town", no rudy-- "rudy" "brian song" or "300" or "rocky" or "rocky 2" or "rocky 3" or really any of the "rockies" you went with the boston bank rubbers in nun costumes clip. >> well, there is going to be good. (laughter) let's see the clip-- (cheers and applause) >> that the republicans used, let's see the clip that the republicans used to urge their hard line tea party freshman coalition to drop their ob
is jon stewart, man! do we have a good show for you tonight. tonight's guest peter tomsen, author of a new book "the wars of afghanistan" that's right, plural, wars. as you know, debt ceiling discussions, coming down to the wire. political leaders on both sides pulling out all the stops. all the stops. like the kind of stops that high school football coaches use before homecoming games in particular at thiscious small towns. >> kevin mccarthy a third ranking republican in the...
480
480
Jul 14, 2011
07/11
by
COM
tv
eye 480
favorite 0
quote 0
my name is jon stewart. we've got a good one for you tonight. my guest tonight author matthew richardson. he is author of a book about fannie mae and freddy imagine and -- freddie mac and why the two shu never have gotten married. republican michel bachmann has surged above president obama. the key to the success progrowth agenda, adherence to the founding fathers principles and something special. >> analysts say her uncompromising views on homosexuality are one of big reasons she's gaining traction in iowa. >> jon: what? why would iowans be so concerned about what happens three inches below the corn belt? [laughter] since the iowa supreme court legalized same-sex marriage in 2009 they've noticed real changes in the state's cash crop! [laughter] yes, their worst fears corn destroyed by a (bleep) playing. [laughter] a -- (bleep) plague. movie about iowa field of -- if you build it they will -- you know. [laughter] it's no surprising the message is resonating to conservatives there. unless you think she's pandering rest april sured she's be on thi
my name is jon stewart. we've got a good one for you tonight. my guest tonight author matthew richardson. he is author of a book about fannie mae and freddy imagine and -- freddie mac and why the two shu never have gotten married. republican michel bachmann has surged above president obama. the key to the success progrowth agenda, adherence to the founding fathers principles and something special. >> analysts say her uncompromising views on homosexuality are one of big reasons she's...